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November 15, 2012
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I wonder how this all ended up like this...
My friend has his hands around my throat and he's trying to kill me. He's the hero, I'm the villain.. Or so they have made everyone think. He sold his freedom for the government, does all the dirty job, is part of the problem. But I ain't the solution either, because if I was, I would not be here, dying. All I wanted, was him to stop. What he did, was not right. But as in every superhero story, someone has to be the bad guy. And that's exactly what they told me that I am. All I wanted, to stop this, but ended up to the opposite side of the fight; enemy, foe.. I'm not even sure if my friend even recognizes me anymore, or himself.. For first, it was all about saving people, helping them.. But it turned out to the greediness. He started to do stuff for money, no matter what he did, people always thought it was right. He was "the hero" after all. And what do I get when I try to fix things?
Death
the final battle of the story where good and evil battle
the villain loses
everyone's happy
the hero continues living
The end
curtains fall down and people are clapping
The hero has won.

But what if everything they thought, was total opposite?
What if the villain was actually the good guy, and the hero was the bad one?
Well, they will never find out now
because I feel the pain in my lungs
and I can't breathe.
Is goodbye now, the final minutes of the show just started. He's yelling something, about freedom, about doing the right things.. And what does he know about those things? Nothing. After he killed that old man in that one apartment two nights ago, just because he was paid to do so, that was it. He wasn't my friend anymore
He had become something I can't even recognize.
And everyone are still praising him
Loving him
Because the damn society is brainwashed to think that government is always right
and if the government says that the old man was bad, evil
they believe it. Whatever they say, they will accept it
And the hero
is now failing big time.
As I open my mouth, the words come out with a wicked smile
this is driving me insane, to just watch this show which has no end in sight
and I just love the priceless expression on my friend's face behind the mask
only if I could see it one more time as I say the following words

"Congratulations, you sick bastard... You lost me."

And as he takes my mask off, I wonder why he's so surprised
to see his best friend's face behind it

Why so surprised?
Why such a gloomy face, my dear?
This is what you wanted, right?
To do the right thing
You're such a hero.

And with a last sharp breathe of mine, he tries to apologize
What a pitiful sight he is. I don't even want to bother to answer as I'm starting to lose my thoughts. His hands come around me, trying to wake me up.
Congratulations
now I'm gone.
:iconminzki:
Testing my writing skills

What do you say, is this good or not?


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Everything in my gallery is © Minna J. Juvankoski.
All rights reserved. Nothing in my gallery may be reused
or copied without my written permission.

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:iconrojus:
~rojus Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What can be more interesting than to doubt the idols, the good, the evil.
I like the idea of shifting sides, especially how you show it - "All I wanted, was him to stop", that it's that easy to change sides with something so different, so distinct and distant.
From reading this I can also see how terms good and evil can become blank in the light of the righteous one. Such a shame there were only separate bits and pieces on this.
Despite the pointless argument between the hero and villain, friend and foe, we still see government steering the ship into rocks while shouting out loud - "someone has to be the bad guy", which might not be the official charges, but yet I can still see it carved on the court room door. :)

I liked it, and I couldn't agree more with Zero-G-Raven, but if there's anything to improve I think it would be something like to hold your cards (who is the bad guy) till the end and to use it as a punchline rather to use it to push the story forward.
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:iconminzki:
~MinZki Nov 16, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you very much!
It really helps me to improve my story telling when people give me this kind of advice and 'critic'. I really appreciate it!
Reply
:iconzero-g-raven:
Mood: Love ~Zero-G-Raven Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love how you started right in with the drama and something big like being choked to death. I think that's what I like about your writing so much is you always start out with a bang and then it kind of takes you down to this seriousness that leaves you wondering at the very end, and you can't help but want to find out what's next!
So I would definitely say a good job ^.^ I loved this!
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:iconminzki:
~MinZki Nov 15, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Oh gosh
thank you ;w;
I'm super glad to hear that people like my writings
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:iconzero-g-raven:
~Zero-G-Raven Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
^.^ You're welcome. I really did enjoy this. <333 Awesomeness!
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:iconminzki:
~MinZki Nov 15, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
<3
I was thinking to write some story with this kind of concept
but I don't really know if I should continue this one or write one totally new one
Reply
:iconzero-g-raven:
~Zero-G-Raven Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well I guess maybe you could write a few different things. Like write a few different pages with different stories, and then see which one(s) you are more interested in continuing. <3
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:iconminzki:
~MinZki Nov 15, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Yea! That's a good idea
Thanks ^ ^
Reply
:iconzero-g-raven:
~Zero-G-Raven Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. ^.^ Just a suggestion. Usually I just write synopsizes and then go with which one gets more excited or something XD Its all up to you :)
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:iconxboringasspersonx:
~xBoringAssPersonx Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh wow....please tell me there's more! I'd love to read it! It's really well done ^^
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